I was in the Shit

This is such a depressing time. I'm not sure what happened. Everything was falling into place last year. I got that big break of a job with a real editor on a real movie and things were rolling along. I was living the life I wanted, the one I wanted since I can remember. It was not glamorous, but it was mine. Then, slowly, one by one things started to unravel. And now here I am, unemployed, broke, depressed, and exhausted. And then I get mad at myself for feeling so sad. My brother could have died. He had very serious diseases, multiple diseases, and in a foreign country no less, 9000 miles away. He recovered completely and I know how lucky I am, how lucky my family is so do I have any right to feel this depressed and lost and confused?

I cannot seem to make that next breakthrough. I took a big step forward and then twelve giant steps back all within a three month period. Now I can't even get a retail job. I went to an interview at a deli, just a little deli, nothing special, and there were about 15 other people ahead of me. Some people got sent away and told to come back the next day. All for a $10 an hour job making sandwiches. It is so bad right now and I m certainly not helping myself by moping about. Still...cycles and all. I can't do anything else in my life but right now I can't do this so I have to figure out some sort of compromise.